San Francisco Divorce Advice - 10 Divorce Mistakes

# 1- If You Found Another-Keep Quiet About It!

by David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2014

Liaise Divorce Solutions is a resource for anyone that has questions about divorce. Our divorce mediation experts in San Francisco, offer an initial no-cost consultation to anyone who is exploring mediation as an alternative to traditional divorce. We're available to answer your questions via email or over the phone!

This is the first in a series of ten articles on critical divorce mistakes to avoid.

In California we have what is known as “no-fault divorce”. This simply means that the old-fashioned grounds for divorce, such things as abandonment, infidelity or mental cruelty, are no longer necessary elements to commence a divorce action. In California one merely needs to check a box that says “irreconcilable differences”. That is an important concept, one that we often remind people of when they are going through divorce. It’s not about finding fault; it’s merely about having grown apart and differences arising.

Most of the meditations that we are engaged in are a relatively smooth process of marshaling and dividing marital assets and liabilities, providing for child or spousal support and peacefully disengaging.

Sometimes things are not so smooth and there are usually key elements that we have identified in high conflict matters. One of those elements that invariably cause a more difficult divorce process is if one of the parties has a new love interest and flaunts it.

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We are lawyers and mediators, not Boy Scouts. We are well aware that in this life people will fall in, and out of, love. If you have fallen out of love with your spouse and there is a new special person in your life, perhaps that is good for you and affords you an opportunity to experience optimum interpersonal relations. However, if that is the case, you will do yourself and your soon to be former spouse the best service possible by not exalting in your new-found relationship.

I know it’s hard when the love drug is coursing through your brain to not be giddy and “walking on air”. However, you must do your very best to contain your enthusiasm and tamp down your overflowing emotions. Your soon to be former spouse is, in most cases, hurt. If you are conducting yourself as if you are about to be released from prison and delivered to paradise, you are only going to make the disengagement process more difficult, complex and expensive.

Trust us on this one, we’ve seen it dozens of times. If you have a new love interest, be the soul of discretion, be a model of modesty. Do not add to your former spouse’s pain by rubbing your new-found happiness in their face. In the long run, you will be well served by heeding this advice.

This advice may seem obvious, but we wouldn’t say it if we hadn’t seen it all too many times. Contact Liaise Divorce Solutions now!