# 2- No More Spousal SEX after Date of Separation!
by David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2014
Liaise Divorce Solutions serves as something of a resource for people who have questions about divorce. As a San Francisco based Divorce Attorney and Mediation expert,we offer a free consultation to parties who wish to explore the possibility of mediation and many times we are responding to questions on the phone and through the mail that parties have regarding the process. For more information regarding Divorce Mediation .
This is the second in a series of articles on critical divorce mistakes to avoid.
In California there is an important event in the marital dissolution process known as “Date of Separation” or DOS. Date of separation is what is known as a “term of art” in legal lexicon. I tell our customers that the Date of Separation is when one party has formed the mental state to end the marriage and communicated it to the other party through words, writing or action. This date then serves as a milestone for marking the end of the community property aspect of the marriage.
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You can well imagine in litigated marital actions there is often a legal battle as to when the Date of Separation occurs. It can be of critical importance when dividing marital property that contains, for instance, stock options that vest on or before a certain date, or if a winning lottery ticket was purchased before or after the Date of Separation. In marital dissolutions that proceed by mediation, it is almost never an issue. The parties together agree upon a mutually acceptable date and that is, as they say, that.
Once a Date of Separation has been established I would urge anybody going through a contemplated marital dissolution to not have Sex with the Ex. Many of the couples working with Liaise Divorce Solutions still have genuine affection for one another. That is great. It makes for a much easier process. However, if you are going to go ahead and get divorced I would say that it is ill-advised to continue sexual relations. When we have seen this occurring it has never been a good thing. One party thinks the act of sex has one meaning and, unfortunately, the other party feels completely differently. Invariably this results in hurt feelings and unnecessarily complicated mediation conversations.
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If you and your spouse still feel as if there is a way to salvage your marriage, I think that is a great thing and you should seek marital counseling. If you just want to have sex together and then maybe see how things go and talk about marriage counseling, I think that is putting the cart before the horse, so to speak.
By all means, try and save your marriage. However, if you have determined that there is no way to save the marriage and you have commenced dissolution proceedings, it is not a good idea to attempt to continue sexual relations.
This advice may seem simple and obvious, but we wouldn’t be saying it if we hadn’t seen it all too many times. In point of fact, there has been more than one occasion where the Marital Settlement Agreement being negotiated has to be amended to provide for the needs of an unborn child. This is, in all probability, not result the parties were contemplating when they were doing it one last time “for old times’ sake”.
For San Francisco Divorce Mediation and more advice Call us at 415-399-8824
David D. Stein has been an attorney for 30+ years and the founder of Liaise® Divorce Solutions. He is a trained mediator, dispute resolution specialist and lecturer on non-violent conflict management techniques and tools.
Do yourself, your family, and your financial well-being a favor and choose Liaise Divorce Solutions, LLC to help you navigate the treacherous waters of managing the expensive and painful situations of dissolution. Call Liaise Solutions at 415-399-8824