Our customers at Liaise tell us that we that our service is fantastic, but they also say that many of their friends don’t even know what mediation is. “You guys should do a simple “10 Reason to Mediate Your Divorce” list so I can explain it to my friends”, we are told.

So OK, here is a try, but it turns out that the hard part is picking only 10 reasons.

1. Never Go To Court.

It seems that many people have a fear of going to Court that is closely related to a fear of public speaking. Being before a Judge is not like being before a firing squad, but you would never know that from the way many people feel about the prospect.

With mediation you agree on the disposition of your dissolution and the entire matter is handled on paper, through the mail, and no Court appearance is necessary.

2. Control Over Decisions.
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A model of interpersonal communication that one often hears is that of a “chain”.  And like a literal chain, the figurative chain of communication is only as strong as its weakest link.

Unfortunately, every chain of communication is fraught with imperfections and opportunities for ambiguities, misunderstandings and miscommunications.

Let’s break the chain down into some of its component links and examine them.

First, an idea or concept for communication is formed inside of a person’s head as thought.  That concept, or thought, is then translated from thought to language inside of that person’s head.  Right there is the first opportunity for error.  How many times have each of us struggled for just the right word to express our true meaning?  English is a versatile and powerful language but it is sorely lacking in many areas for expressing just the right nuance of emotion or feeling.  Or, to be fair, perhaps the fault isn’t so much the language but the mastery of the lexicon that is necessary to allow one facile expression.  We can’t all be poets, but sometimes it is indeed the artistic, free form illustration of our innermost thoughts that is called for.  One would need to write a great song, or a beautiful sonnet, or a profound haiku to give true voice to certain emotions.  How many of us are in any way up to that task? Read more »

Before he was President of the United States of America, Dwight D. [Ike] Eisenhower was the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces in Europe. As the Commanding General, Eisenhower was responsible for the planning and execution of the largest military event of all time. The allied invasion, by sea and air, of Hitler’s occupied Europe.

Imagine the planning and logistics involved in such a task. The ships, the planes, the men, the fuel, the tanks, the jeeps, the food, the ammunition, the hot water, the soap, the razor blades, the shoes, the tires, the tents, on and on and on. It boggles the mind.

One pithy, and very valuable lesson Eisenhower passed on to those of us who need to plan and carry out those plans, on any level, is his famous quote that I call up in almost ever one of my meditations: “Plans are nothing, planning is everything”. There is great wisdom in that simple phrase. Read more »

During a mediation recently in Oakland, CA I was dealing with some “challenging” personalities.  One party pointedly refused to shake my hand.  He acted like he knew that in my unspoken heart I was biased against him and looking to manipulate the process so he would get screwed.  His demeanor and words crossed the line and if I was thinner skinned, I would have been insulted.  I could not help but think of one of my favorite quotes when trying to rise above a person who is purposely being difficult.  Abraham Lincoln famously said, “I don’t like that man, I must get to know him better”.

Truthfully, the theme of this article started out as an attempt to contrast and compare Lincoln’s thoughtful attempt to illustrate how one should strive to approach obstreperous conduct with what I had thought was the naïve and implausible quote from the western homeboy philosopher Will Rogers, “I never met a man I didn’t like.”  Yeah right, I can think of a few people I could introduce to him to test that sentiment. Read more »

At a recent mediation in Walnut Creek, CA I was reminded that people sometimes come to mediation with expectations that are, if not unrealistic, out of proportion to the process at hand.

Many times inexperienced litigants imagine that their case is unassailable and crystal clear to any disinterested third party to whom they may tell it.  They have been living with their dispute for so long and they have gone over and over and over it so many times in their minds that they feel it is self evident that their position is righteous.

People in this position naturally assume that any judge and any jury will see things exactly as they do and will award them every nickel they are asking.  To them it is literally inconceivable that there is any merit whatsoever to the position of the other side.  People in the throes of such an illusion, like a sleepwalker, must be gently brought back to reality. Read more »

Recently listening to the San Francisco outlet of National Public Radio I heard an interview with Ron Suskind discussing his new book The One Percent Doctrine. In this book Mr. Suskind takes his readers into his experiences conducting the interrogation of some of the most highly prized prisoners in the war on terrorism, Abu Zubaydah and the mastermind of the September 11th attacks, Khalid Sheik Mohammed.

Mr. Suskind is a fascinating person and a direct participant in events that are both historic and instructive on how best to conduct American foreign policy in this important but highly sensitive area. Read more »

At Liaise Mediated Solutions, LLC, what we refer to as “facilitation” is the active pursuit of both sides to a given problem to have them come to mediation and explore how they might better manage their dispute and achieve resolution.

In the Liaise facilitation practice, the chief argument raised against the proposal to “reach out” to the other side is that the mediator simply doesn’t understand the situation.  It is patiently explained to the mediator that, “the people on the other side of the dispute are insane!  They are completely and totally unreasonable!  They will never ever, ever agree to sit down and reasonably discuss the problem at hand”.  Believe it or not, we hear that a lot.  And it is almost never the true case. Read more »