David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2012 At a recent presentation of San Francisco Divorce attorneys designed to provide information to the public, an interesting comment was raised by an attendee. The conversation had been focused on the benefits of divorce mediation and how it can lead to more expeditious and better balanced resolutions to...Read More

David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2012 At a recent informal gathering of San Francisco divorce attorneys I was asked to opine on child rearing, custody and visitation issues. The following is an encapsulation of that dissertation. There are, in my opinion, 5 little words that allow the human race to continue to propagate. When you are single, or just married and thinking about children, and look around a crowded restaurant in disbelief at the messy, disorderly, shockingly rude children terrorizing the patrons, you think those 5 words to yourself, “My kids will be different”. Yes, of course. When you do have children you soon must face the fact that the nature of the beast is such that kids are just kids and that your kids are, if you are lucky, not much different, from the rest of the pack. There is no more gratifying and simultaneously maddening job than that of parent. You work real hard to give them what they need and, perhaps, a bit more. Are you ever properly thanked for your endeavors? Not likely. But, sometimes, if the moon and stars are aligned just right your offspring may hug you, or kiss you, and say, “I love you”. Your heart melts, tears well in your eyes and for a brief moment all the expense and sacrifice seems worthwhile. Then without fanfare the moment quickly passes and you go back to your delegated roles of cook, maid and walking ATM. Such is modern parenting in this waking dream we call life. Many times when you are raising your children you may wish that the little brats had come with a manual. It would be great to have a guide from the manufacturer to consult when you are trying to make difficult child raising decisions. But of course, every child and every family is unique. There is no guide that can tell you with certainty what you should do in any particular situation. This is not to say that there are no guidelines to which the enlightened parent should strive to abide. My training is in inter-personal communications and law. So I am in no way academically qualified to opine on this subject, but I’ve seen a lot and mediated quite a few “child custody” disputes and it seems to me that there should be at least 2 oaths that every parent can swear and be a better parent for doing so. First, be like a doctor, Do No Harm. Growing up is hard. Do your best not to make it any harder for your kids. Eschew violence. It solves nothing and only teaches the false and dangerous lesson that “might makes right”. Remember that shouting and verbal abuse is a form of violence and is equally damaging to young people. Don’t do it. Just because you may have been raised with the occasional spanking or slap, and that is how you think parenting is done, rise above it. Your kids are precious and deserve your best efforts to be rational and creatively communicative. Second, Lead By Example. Try to be the best parent, and person, that you can be. Do your best at work, at home and at every task to which you turn your hand. Isn’t that exactly what you would want your child to do? You too must continually strive to achieve your full potential. I know, I know, it’s hard to always be that person. I live in a house that is 99% glass, so you know I’m not throwing any stones. This oath, to my mind, doesn’t mean that you can’t, for instance, drink. It means you can’t be a drunk, or let alcohol interfere with your life. Likewise it doesn’t mean that you have to be the richest, or the most decorated, or the very highest achiever in any given field, it means that you endeavor resolutely to do your best and share the satisfying experience with your children of knowing that you gave your all. Teach that happiness is a byproduct of doing good work. Whenever Liaise Divorce Solutions is involved in mediating a child custody dispute we always try to get parties to discuss their philosophy and style of child rearing. It is startling to hear that so many couples involved in these disputes actually share the same parenting values and style. Often it is revealed that, at root, the so-called child custody dispute is merely a façade behind which hides a “parent v. parent” punishment agenda. In other words, it all boils down to words to the effect that “it isn’t that my ex is such a bad parent, I just think it would be best for the children to spend more time with me”. Yes, of course. In child custody/visitation cases where there is no violence, substance abuse or other compelling reason to preclude visitation, the default position should be open, easy and free access to each parent. This is the situation that is best for your children and your children deserve no less. This notion is fundamental to the Liaise concept of Marital Reorganization®. Like it or not, now and forever, one of you is Mom and one of you is Dad and that is never going to change. Soon you may no longer be husband and wife, but you will always be a family going into the future. During mediation the Liaise mediator will take out her crystal ball and tell divorcing couples that there will be a Christmas this year, some day there will be a graduation, perhaps a wedding and maybe Grandchildren. The couple has a clear choice – they can greet these blessed events as well adjusted participants in a Marital Reorganization® – or they can be the bitter relics of ruinous divorce litigation. A simple choice. Make it as easy as you can for your children. Do no harm and try to lead by example. David D. Stein, has been an attorney for 20 years and the founder of Liaise^® Divorce Solutions. He is a trained divorce mediator, dispute resolution specialist and lecturer on non-violent conflict management techniques and tools....Read More

David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2012 We at Liaise are often asked who is the best divorce lawyer? That is a very interesting question. The answer really depends on your definitions and your perspective. Is the top divorce lawyer the one who makes the most money? Is the best divorce lawyer the one who gets the “best results” for their client? How...Read More

There are many attorneys in the San Francisco area, and throughout California, referring to themselves as “Family Lawyers” or “Family Attorneys”. These labels conjure up visions of a kindly Aunt or Uncle who only has the best interests of the family at heart. In point of fact the title Family Attorney is often a misnomer. Many so-called Family Lawyers are ad...Read More

I have to confess that I cringe when I leaf through a newspaper or surf the World Wide Web and come across ads that read “divorce for men only”, “divorce lawyers for men”, or, “men, don’t get cheated in your divorce”.  Likewise, I have to shake my head when I see allegedly professional divorce counselors, or so-called “family law lawyers”, offering their services “for women only”.  The only thing that you can be assured of if you do business with these types of service providers  is that they will only serve to further polarize your situation and increase their fees. The sensible person would run, not walk, run, away from anyone offering a service with this kind of label. Undeniably divorce is a very difficult situation.  If the family had been a single wage earner situation, then that person may very well feel as if they are being unfairly targeted and seen as solely responsible for the future financial security of the family.  Such a feeling is isolating and alienating.  This is true whether that sole wage earner is a man or a woman. There are many studies supporting the proposition that divorce is one of the most agonizing events a person can endure.  It is right up there with death and serious illness in its’ negative impact on one’s mental, and physical well-being.  This is equally true for men and women. For the purposes of this article, let us agree that a divorce is, in many ways, a disaster.  As in any other disaster, a crucial survival trait is maintaining a “positive mental attitude”.  The right attitude can mean the difference between life and death if you are caught in a snowstorm, earthquake or shipwreck.  It also makes all the difference when going through a divorce. You are not embracing a positive mental attitude to think of the divorce as “me versus my spouse”.  Indeed, such an attitude is a guarantee of a difficult, expensive experience. Looking for a Divorce (family issues) dispute Mediator? Call or Contact for Free Mediation Consultation in San Francisco, the Bay Area or throughout California by on-line video conference! The divorce mediators at Liaise can help to create a divorce dynamic where it is much easier to adopt a positive mental attitude.   A proper mental attitude in a divorce situation is, “we got into this together, we’ll get out of this together and, hopefully, we will come to the most mutually favorable terms possible”.  It is immature to think that there is such a thing as a “winner” in a divorce.  What is winning?  Does it mean that you end up with everything and your spouse is plunged into poverty?  Does that definition strike you as intelligent or becoming of a rational person?  Certainly not.  It is much better to work together towards a resolution that enables both parties to carry on their lives with the least amount of disruption and displacement possible. Psychologists, and experienced, humane family law lawyers agree; divorce is difficult for men, divorce is difficult for women, divorce is difficult for families.  The way to assure that your divorce is as pain-free as possible is to use professional mediation and engage in a supported conversation designed to guide you towards the most equitable resolution possible. David D. Stein has been an attorney for over 20 years and is the founder of Liaise^® Divorce Solutions.  He is a trained divorce mediator, dispute resolution specialist and lecturer on non-violent conflict management techniques and tools....Read More

David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2012 Many people searching for a Divorce Lawyer in San Francisco contact the Liaise offices. They often ask, do I need a Divorce Attorney? The answer is No – and Yes. No, you do not need, and should avoid, a divorce litigator. A litigator being a trial attorney skilled in the tactics of trial craft, trained...Read More

1. DO NOT THINK OF DIVORCE AS A WAR! You are not involved in combat, you are engaged in negotiation. In negotiation you gain more by being reasonable and thoughtful. If you consider the other side’s positions carefully and respond in a measured manner you will find that you achieve much more than by being contentious. 2. DO NOT DEMONIZE YOUR SPOUSE!

David D. Stein © Liaise® Mediated Solutions, LLC 2012 San Francisco, CA. In California what is popularly known as “divorce” is technically know as an action for marital “dissolution” At Liaise Divorce Solutions, LLC whenever we service a couple that have children that wish to end their marriage, we use the term marital “r...Read More